11 things people lie to themselves about

You might think you’re being honest with yourself, but it’s common to fall into the trap of some serious denial.

Unfortunately, there are many things people lie to themselves about, and they’re also not super obvious, so it’s possible to get stuck in a bad habit that’s tough to break out of. It’s better to be real with yourself, though, so you can always keep improving in areas that might need some work.

1. That narcissism will change

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a therapist and professor, if you think you’re not narcissistic, or that your partner isn’t, but all signs point towards yes, it’s better to get out, as the trait likely won’t change.

“If they’re entitled, superficial, arrogant and lacks empathy – s/he won’t change. And your love won’t change them. This is an important insight before you waste months, years or decades trying to change them,” Durvasula says.

2. That exercise alone will make you healthy

Of course, exercising regularly is great for your health and well-being, and it does aid in weight management and better heart health. Yet, it’s not an excuse to eat all the cookies you want.

Instead, focus on changing your diet to that of a healthy and mindful one.

3. That you can ‘fix’ people

It’s impossible (and not right) to control other people or try and “fix” their qualities that you don’t necessarily appreciate, says NYC based therapist, Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, to Bustle. “People also lie to themselves about being able to fix people. We think we can change a selfish friend or make a boyfriend stop drinking. People only change when they want to change,” Hershenson adds.

 

 

4. That you can control every situation

There are some things in life you simply can’t control: Being fired, the weather, a work meeting you’d rather not have but know is necessary, and more. Instead, ‘practice acceptance’.

Make a list of what you can control in the situation and what you can’t control. Focus on what you can control to make change and accept what you cannot control.

5. That you don’t have enough time

There’s always enough time for things that matter. Quit this excuse.

Instead, reassess your priorities. Make time for things that matter and stop making time for things that don’t. Once you’re clear on what your goals are you will know exactly what you should be saying yes to.

6. That you don’t need sunscreen

It’s common to think you’re invincible, and a few spare minutes out in the sun won’t do damage. But, those minutes sunscreen-free can cause free radical damage and increase risk of skin cancer. Wear daily block to stay safe.

 

7. That you’ll save when you’re older

Start saving young and be honest with what type of lifestyle you can afford.

8. That you’re not enough

The way to stop lying to yourself about how incredibly enough you are, is to start taking stock of all of the qualities and attributes that make you the awesome person you are.

Everyday, keep a list of at least 3 things you like about yourself, or things other people have said they like about you. You can repeat things to start and it might feel really awkward in the beginning. Don’t worry, as with anything, this will get easier and more comfortable with time.

9. That your “intuition” isn’t real

Here’s a hint: Trust your gut.

People often lie to themselves about their intuition or what their ‘gut feelings’ are telling them. The best way to work on trusting your intuition is to simply allow yourself to feel it.

 

10. That you’re not addicted to something

Be it drugs, alcohol, or even sugar, denying an addiction for too long can be life threatening.

“We lie to ourselves when there is something we don’t want to take a look at, because we believe it will be too painful to confront. This often shows up in cases of addiction,” says Tiffany Louise, LCSW, Therapist & Life Coach. “People who struggle with alcohol and drug abuse will often make excuses for their consumption, hide it, or create stories that justify it.

The addicted brain is set up for denial of the problem, because it becomes wired to prioritise the chemical above all else,” Louise explains. Instead, it’s better to be brave and seek help early on.

11. That you’re out of options

Often, you might think you’re out of options, for the future, and so you cling to the past.

Instead, try and seek hope that you can have a fresh start with a prominent change. This starts with having compassion for lying to yourself in the first place. We can do this by telling ourselves we were doing the best we could with what we had at the time, and we were only trying to avoid more pain. Then we can take an inventory of the honest facts. We can ask ourselves what the cost of continuing to avoid addressing the issue is, and we can use this information to leverage ourselves into making a change.

 

If you see any of these lies popping up in your life, it’s best to address them head on and come to terms with the truth, moving forward.

Read Bustle’s original article and more here

 

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  AUTHOR
Holly Konig
Journalist

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